Hide Your Crazy
by staceums
Summary: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Oneshot. Examines the darker side of SeeD. Inspired by Xu's badass reputation and the song "Mama's Broken Heart" by Miranda Lambert. Especially dedicated to Xu fans...


_Go and fix your make up, girl, it's just a break up  
Run and hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady  
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together  
Even when you fall apart  
But this ain't my mama's broken heart_

**_"Mama's Broken Heart" by Miranda Lambert_**

* * *

Xu lit a match and calmly brought it to a cigarette held between her lips. After taking a few deep drags, she exhaled and glanced up with narrowed eyes at the little white farmhouse twenty feet in front of her. It was a quaint little place; tucked amongst a picturesque backdrop of grey-green rolling hills and fields of taupe barley. Dark grey clouds blotted out the sun, but she knew the system was too weak to develop any storms.

At least it was the dry season. It'd be a bitch to pull this off otherwise.

Her cell phone buzzed in her pocket and she took it out, flipped it open, and glanced at the encrypted message.

_Status_

She sighed and texted a brief message back.

_Leak found_

She snapped the phone shut and glanced back up at the farmhouse. There was nothing particularly special about it, so she wasn't particularly sad to leave it, but there were some loose ends she had to tie up first. And she would leave her memories here – there was nothing she could take back to Garden with her. Except a lesson learned.

She'd met her contact from Trabia Garden in a busy little café in Dollet. It wasn't unusual for SeeD specialists to work with others outside of their territory – it kept the suspicion low – but Xu was annoyed nonetheless. She knew she could handle the mission on her own, and bringing in a second member simply meant that she might end up babysitting, but Cid insisted. Still, detective work was achieved faster and easier with a partner, and anything was better running battle simulations for the umpteenth time with rookies back at Balamb.

The mission was simple. There was a leak about confidential information on sorceress business, so Xu had to plug it. If there was a leak, then they had a mole. The Headmasters of all three Gardens would do everything in their power to keep Edea and Rinoa safe, because that meant harmony between governments and the safety of their SeeDs. If enough information got out, it could lead to another war.

She'd originally requested Quistis for a partner, but Cid wanted to keep her teaching in Garden until the semester was over.

Her second choice was Squall because she appreciated his taciturn attitude – he only spoke when spoken to, and she knew he was a smart kid – but he'd turned soft since the whole Rinoa crap went down and Xu didn't even _want_ to attempt to understand why on earth he'd risk the well-being of Garden for a doe-eyed, innocent, dopey little girl.

Rather than send her alone, Cid had requested an agent from Trabia Garden – it was further from the Dollet Dukedom and the agents weren't seen as much as the Galbadian SeeDs – and Xu was given instructions to rendezvous with him in the café.

So she did.

He was everything every girl probably swooned over; tall, dark, handsome, and had a good head on his shoulders. He wasn't a fucking twat like Zell, he wasn't a smart-mouthed, egocentric asshole like Seifer, and he wasn't shy like Nida. He was to-the-point and practical, nice to look at, and was obviously trained. She could appreciate a SeeD who took his job seriously.

They stayed at an abandoned little white farmhouse, a type of safe house kept by an unnamed landlord with ties to Garden. There were "safe houses" all over the country, controlled by Garden, and this one was especially pleasant to stay in because of the quiet atmosphere and peaceful scenery. It was far enough out of the city where they could be hidden from view on most days, but within a close enough drive to do investigative work without appearing suspicious.

From the get-go they hit it off, making significant progress on the mission but also with each other. Xu had never met anyone like him before, and after several weeks it only took a few beers and dirty innuendos before he had her up against the wall, pulling at her waistline and pushing deep and hard into her, while she smiled and bit her lip and dug her nails into his back…

It had been a long time since she'd had such a good fuck, and it was hard to find someone who would appreciate the mutual understanding of the whole no-strings-attached deal yet remain professional about their work. Nothing got weird between them…in fact, things only got better.

So she'd thought.

She remembered that later that night, she couldn't sleep and wanted a cold glass of water, so she padded down the stairs in nothing but her underwear to head towards the kitchen. He was already seated at a small desk in the living room with only a pair of boxers on, typing up something on a small portable laptop. When he looked up, he grinned.

"Can't sleep?"

"No. I feel like I've slept enough. Besides, I'm thirsty. Want something?"

"Sure."

She walked towards the desk and moved to stand behind him. "What are you working on?"

He immediately stood and pulled her close, kissing her forcefully. With a groan, he pressed his hips into her and grabbed her butt playfully. "Something for Martine, but it's not nearly as important as _this_. Why are you distracting me? You came down here like that on purpose, didn't you?"

She grinned. "I didn't know you would be down here."

He kissed her again. "Well, you've got good timing. Come on. Let's go get that drink in the kitchen."

They'd fucked again on the cold marble countertop.

Xu set her jaw and took in another drag. How could she have been so fucking _blind?_

_Never again._

She didn't think twice about his late-night computer report, really. They were SeeD mercenaries, after all, and it was possible he had other missions to work on. One day, she saw him talking to a pretty blonde woman at the market, but didn't think anything of that, either. Light banter, she supposed. Xu wasn't the type to get jealous or angry, and it wasn't even like this was a long-term deal, so when the woman passed him a slip of paper, Xu figured it was a phone number for a date.

_Whatever._

It wasn't until later that week, when she was eating a quick meal at a bar and scouting around for leads by herself, Xu saw that same pretty blonde woman as an anchor on the evening news, and that anchor did a story on the ever-elusive Gardens possibly harboring a sorceress. There wasn't much proof, there weren't any photographs, and there weren't any names, but it was enough to alert the general public.

Xu knew that she'd found the mole. He'd been right in front of her the entire time.

Her reaction was calm, yet disappointed. For some reason, she wasn't surprised. Shit like this always happens. She was just incredibly pissed off that he'd played her for a complete fool.

_And I let him fuck me. Twice._

She almost laughed. _Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…_

It was her own fault, and she'd accepted that. There was only one way to fix her mistake, and it was a mistake she'd never make again.

It was interesting how they all turned into bumbling, simpering little babies when their lives were threatened. As if it would make a difference. All she needed to do was pour a little gasoline on the walls, on the furniture, and soak the carpet. The fumes made him cough and he pulled on the duct tape that strapped him to an old wooden chair.

"Look…you can't do this. You can't just torch the place. It'll be too conspicuous. This is a Garden _safehouse_ - "

"Which has been _compromised_, no thanks to you," she replied calmly, inspecting the windows and doors.

"Nobody knows about this place, I'm telling you," the panic was starting to show in his voice as he watched her walk around the room slowly. "They just know the general facts."

"Such as?"

"It's all there, in the computer."

"So? You could've set all that up. The computer could be a diversion."

There was a long pause. Xu allowed him to think, while she put on a pair of gloves and unzipped a small bag. She pulled out a little baggie containing what looked like thin strips of plastic wrap, opened it up, and pulled out a strip with a pair of tweezers.

"Are you really doing this to protect a _sorceress_?" He asked incredulously. "The future of Garden could be at risk because of her - "

"I don't know what you're talking about," Xu replied flatly.

"Come on, I know Garden's harboring her _somewhere_," he said. "You can't be that naïve…"

"I sure _was_," Xu chuckled. "Not anymore, I'm not."

"Two wars were started because of a sorceress," he growled, "and more people will die if that sorceress isn't put in quarantine or killed - "

Xu didn't know if he was talking about Edea, or Rinoa, or both. He had a point, but she would never admit it. In fact, Edea was the reason SeeD existed in the first place, and Rinoa…she'd saved lives and helped fight Ultimecia. She couldn't begrudge that.

"Oh, give me a fucking break," she snapped, stopping her work to glare at him coldly. "Your accusations are baseless and you're a SeeD _operative_. You've voluntarily exposed Garden and all its members to scandal and public scrutiny. Who's hurting who here?"

There was a long silence. Xu turned back to her bag, carefully pulled out a wine glass, and went to the kitchen to set it on the countertop.

"Besides," she added, "you went to the _media_, you disgusting piece of shit. Seems like all you want out of this is money and fame. You don't want _justice_."

He took a breath, coughed and squinted – his chair was sitting directly on the carpet, after all – and said in a shaky voice, "All right, look…the news anchor is my contact in Dollet, she pays me a set price for information, but I also have one in Trabia – are you listening?"

Xu continued to work, applying the special clear tape to door handles and door frames, then slowly peeling it away. "Oh, I'm listening."

"I haven't talked to the Trabian contact in months, mostly because Garden's been keeping this information sealed so tight, but he's a journalist that works for the local paper there. Like I said, it's all in the computer."

Xu looked bored as she worked. "Hm. And Balamb?"

"What about Balamb?"

"How does Balamb Garden play a role in all this? What did you want out of me?"

"I didn't request an agent from Balamb. Cid was the one who paired you with me."

"No contact in Balamb?"

"No!"

"You're not trying to trace me? Giving out information about where I work? What I look like? My fucking bra size?"

"No! No, nothing like that! I haven't been ratting out other agents!"

Xu made a _pssh_ noise.

"That's everything, I swear! That's all I know, and that's everything I told them! I haven't told anyone else!"

Xu put a few tools back into her bag and pulled out a black handgun. She pulled back the slide to load it.

"Wh-what are you doing? I've told you everything I know! I gave you all the information - "

Xu pointed the gun at his head. "Only journalists? No generals, no captains, no army contacts?"

"No, no army contacts, I swear! Please, don't shoot me! I'm telling the truth, I swear, you have to believe me, I haven't done anything to put any SeeDs in danger!"

Xu looked thoughtful for a minute. "Hm. I don't know…you seem to be a pretty good liar..."

"I _swear_, that's _all_. Don't _shoot_. You can take me back to Garden if you want, I won't try to escape - "

The statement made Xu laugh and look up at the ceiling, removing her aim from his head.

"I'm not _lying_ to you! I told you everything I know, you _have_ to bring me back for treason - "

"Do I? Hm." She sighed. "You got me there. I guess I won't shoot you. They'd probably trace the bullet anyway."

He breathed a sigh of relief.

She grinned at him, pure hatred flashing through her eyes. "But I never said I'd let you live."

She savored that instantaneous moment of utter fear that crossed his face, then crossed the room to firmly apply a thick strip of duct tape over his mouth to muffle his screams. She made sure to pluck a few hairs off his head before turning on her heels and grabbing her bag, not looking back. As she walked out of the house and slammed the door, the panicked, high pitched noises coming out from under the duct tape was practically music to her ears.

She had fond memories of this farmhouse.

Xu took one last drag and flicked the cigarette into the dry grass. It immediately caught fire, spreading around the house with a hissing whoosh. Good thing she'd found that gasoline in the old shed, or this place would take _forever_ to burn, and she couldn't risk leaving evidence behind.

Her phone buzzed again and she flipped it open to look at the message.

_Plug it_

Xu texted back.

_Done. Immediate airlift requested at current location_

She pulled out another phone from her other pocket – _his_ phone – and texted an unencrypted message to a number that had been stored previously.

_We need to talk. Come to the farmhouse._

Snapping the phone shut, she walked towards the flashy red car, which was a nice little memento she'd stolen from the cute blonde news anchor's house, as were the prints and wine glass. She put the canister of gasoline at the foot of the back seat, sprinkled a few of his hairs on the floor of the passenger's side, and placed the key in the ignition without turning it. She didn't have to worry about planting his prints in the car – most likely they were already there.

Xu popped the trunk open. The poor little news anchor was still unconscious, put to sleep with a little bit of chloroform, but otherwise unharmed. Xu left the trunk door open and didn't bother to tie up the news anchor – by the time she woke up and stumbled around groggily to find out where she was, the entire house would be engulfed in flames – and even though their response time was slow, no doubt the local fire department and police would have arrived by then. She'd have a lot of explaining to do, including the mysterious text to her phone, which now lit up with a beep, indicating a new message.

Xu grabbed it, opened it up to make sure that it had been read, then snapped it shut again and tossed it into the trunk.

Within ten minutes, the SeeD airlift would arrive, so Xu headed out towards a thick barley field behind the house so they could track her location and land safely. Not that they needed much help finding her. The black smoke started to rise as flames rose up the walls and porch of the house, snaking their way up towards the roof, but there weren't any towns within thirty miles that would notice. She watched her handiwork, with growing satisfaction, knowing that he struggled helplessly inside, and that he wouldn't die easy. He'd suffer for his treason, and he'd suffer for lying to her.

_Lesson learned._

Xu knew that she would never again trust anyone – not even another SeeD – except for the people who raised her. Cid and Edea.

_You'd be proud. I didn't cry._


End file.
